Shopping calypso, shopping calypso, hear all about it – yakka-yak-yak
Morrisons Sainsburys Aldi and Tesco – giving out the discounts and getting it back
Well we had a happy ‘sperience in Teignmouth town
Never thought our groc’ry store would let us down
But on a day we least expect our Waitrose close its doors
An’ ‘spected us to stand up an give it big applause

Head in your botty, way up your rectum, John Lewis Partners – kacky kack kack
Leave us with Lidl, what you expect? Them pay staff half the wages and give the rest the sack
Now we have to book deliveries and wait a month in line
Or travel into Exeter on A-three-seven-nine
So when we got the energy we make the trip at last
And spend a bloody fortune ‘cos we’re desperate for class

OK – now I have your attention: New novel JIGSAW ISLAND HERE

Artwork by Lynne McVernon / Digital render Martyn Stead